Hashtag: Broke as a Joke

Money. I hate it. Everything about it. I remember the good ol days when I was young and oblivious to bills and spending. Though, I can respect and really empathize for my parents now. The. Struggle. Is. Real. I'm going to throw some truth your way..We just got over a pretty shitty month. With an unexpected turn in my career..it forced us to move further out than we would have liked and we took a rather significant hit in my paycheck. I think I am more annoyed about the fact that it threw my master plan to save off track rather than losing all that power. We were so close to being level on everything and being able to start really putting money aside for our emergency fund. Thank goodness for family. I mean, really. We wouldn't have been able to make it through without borrowing from a handful of family members. And we are only now just able to start paying people back. I hope one day I will have enough saved that I am able to do the same for others. It's a crappy thing. To have to ask to borrow money as an adult. No one wants to have to ask for money. It's embarrassing. All I can think about is how disappointed with myself that I didn't save more when I was making more. If I'm being honest here too, I have never been good with money. I love shopping. I love buying things that makes me fill whatever stupid hole or stressed out moment I'm having. I totally believe in Retail Therapy. Maybe that's why I've been working so hard at this minimalism thing. All I want is to want for nothing. If I want for nothing, then my impulse to buy things shrinks. But that's for another blog post... point is, my spending habits are terrible. Even when we have no money to spend. Normally, I spend a redonk amount of money on crafting supplies and books..but I've cut down on those for now. (again..that's for another blog post..) Right now my vices like caffeine and terrible eating habits are running my life. Running and ruining. I woke up with a new perspective this morning. The help that we got and minor bandaid we were able to find for ourselves has given us a chance to level out again. Because after this bandaid, there are no more bandaids. And we really have to learn to live with the new balance that I make. (granted, there might be a chance for hubs to get a job after the summer ((yay for more family help))) And boy does that new balance suck. What was that quote Dave Ramsey always says? "Live like no one else so later you can live like no one else." Rice and beans. Beans and rice for now. We are going to be able to do literally nothing. Every penny I make is going to go towards a bill. Our grocery budget is going to be super small and we are going to be able to save literally...pennies and dimes towards our emergency fund. But that's what happens when you aren't smart about your money when you are making money. And as I always say, "You live and you learn." I downloaded an app called Mint to help me monitor our bank account and budget. Boy oh boy was it an eye opener. It shows you how much money you spend on EVERYTHING based on your transactions. Needless to say, we need to stop eating out. I mean, we knew that anyways but having a visual helps. I'm hoping this will keep me accountable. I might throw in there that a couple of days ago, I allowed myself to go to Joann's because I wanted to make a bunch of earrings to sell to help fund my business, The Blooming Page. To make a really long story short, I walked out of Joann's feeling terrible that I had spent 20$ on supplies I didn't know if I wanted to make the time and space for. (Space is extremely relevant considering I am trying to reduce the amount of "stuff" in my life) I added to the chaos that was growing on my desk. And I was now out 20$. I returned the stuff yesterday. The impulse to spend is terrible. I feel like a crack head. It's stupid. I wanted to buy all the things at that store. ALL OF THE THINGS! And I am in no position to do so. It's like I'm creating a hole to fill. It's terrible. Anyways, I think I might have started going off about my minimalism journey and this blog is about money. Fact is, we have little of it now and we have to learn to be careful with it. Or we are going to drown. On that lovely note... -Angel

#letsdothis

So many times I fight with myself. Today. Today is going to be the day I make the changes that I want in my life. Today is going to be the day I stop being lazy and start moving forward. Then, I become extremely unmotivated and shoot myself in the foot. It's a giant cycle. How many times to do we do that to ourselves? Surely I'm not the only one out there who is constantly battling with myself and trying to kick myself in the butt to get motivated. I know at one point and was going in a direction that was great. It was a good direction. Then something drastic happens and it throws my groove off. My sister came out to visit recently and we went to the Cheesecake Factory to treat her for her birthday. I couldn't stop talking about how old she was now! (I still see my siblings as babies.) I told her, "Gosh, just three more years till you are 30!! That's crazy!!" Then both my brother and sister declared that I was going to be 30 NEXT YEAR. What??? I'm going to be thirty next year? When the hell did that happen? Where did all my time go? I stay up at night a lot asking myself what I want out of my life. There is so much I want and I am the only one stopping myself from doing any of them. I constantly make lists. And they always start off: Angel what would make you most happiest? I know the same things end up on my list. Really, my list doesn't change that often now that I'm thinking about it... -I want to declutter the things around me and our living space. Live a truly minimalist life. Encourage my daughter to appreciate the few things that she has and to grow up not needing to want. Not want to horde things like a chipmunk. I want to feel that release of knowing I do not need to fill my space to make me happy. -I want to live a healthier lifestyle. I want to stop eating so much shit. I want to fill my body with real foods. I want to get back to making working out part of my daily routine. I want to feel stronger and have more energy. I don't want to rely on caffeine to keep me awake. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin and build self esteem. I want to increase my water intake and feel clean. -I want to get back to running my Etsy shop. I want to create flowers from book paper and make people smile with my pieces and stop feeling like it's not good enough. I had so much fun when I was doing it back in the day. I want to put more time and thought into my business and run things legitimately and be proud of what I create. I just need to be okay with where we are at as well. I think my husband is right when he tells me I get bored with where we live. I think I have this idea of how I want the atmosphere around us looks and the apartment we are in is nothing like it. My goal is for us to be house within the next four years. I get so damn tired of renting and our money going no where. I want to be able to start a garden and teach Matilda where food comes from and teach her to harbor relationships with plants and food. I'm convinced it will help her later on down the road. I also want to keep up with our budget. I have such a good plan for us that will help up save money and stay on track. I just need to stop being impulsive and embrace the minimalist lifestyle. I don't need everything! It's so embarrassing the lack of self control when it comes to buying junk. I always say I start new habits and routines at the beginning of a new month. Tomorrow is the 31st of March and I think I'm going to start a day early. No, I KNOW I'm going to start a day early. :)