#letsdothis

So many times I fight with myself. Today. Today is going to be the day I make the changes that I want in my life. Today is going to be the day I stop being lazy and start moving forward. Then, I become extremely unmotivated and shoot myself in the foot. It's a giant cycle. How many times to do we do that to ourselves? Surely I'm not the only one out there who is constantly battling with myself and trying to kick myself in the butt to get motivated. I know at one point and was going in a direction that was great. It was a good direction. Then something drastic happens and it throws my groove off. My sister came out to visit recently and we went to the Cheesecake Factory to treat her for her birthday. I couldn't stop talking about how old she was now! (I still see my siblings as babies.) I told her, "Gosh, just three more years till you are 30!! That's crazy!!" Then both my brother and sister declared that I was going to be 30 NEXT YEAR. What??? I'm going to be thirty next year? When the hell did that happen? Where did all my time go? I stay up at night a lot asking myself what I want out of my life. There is so much I want and I am the only one stopping myself from doing any of them. I constantly make lists. And they always start off: Angel what would make you most happiest? I know the same things end up on my list. Really, my list doesn't change that often now that I'm thinking about it... -I want to declutter the things around me and our living space. Live a truly minimalist life. Encourage my daughter to appreciate the few things that she has and to grow up not needing to want. Not want to horde things like a chipmunk. I want to feel that release of knowing I do not need to fill my space to make me happy. -I want to live a healthier lifestyle. I want to stop eating so much shit. I want to fill my body with real foods. I want to get back to making working out part of my daily routine. I want to feel stronger and have more energy. I don't want to rely on caffeine to keep me awake. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin and build self esteem. I want to increase my water intake and feel clean. -I want to get back to running my Etsy shop. I want to create flowers from book paper and make people smile with my pieces and stop feeling like it's not good enough. I had so much fun when I was doing it back in the day. I want to put more time and thought into my business and run things legitimately and be proud of what I create. I just need to be okay with where we are at as well. I think my husband is right when he tells me I get bored with where we live. I think I have this idea of how I want the atmosphere around us looks and the apartment we are in is nothing like it. My goal is for us to be house within the next four years. I get so damn tired of renting and our money going no where. I want to be able to start a garden and teach Matilda where food comes from and teach her to harbor relationships with plants and food. I'm convinced it will help her later on down the road. I also want to keep up with our budget. I have such a good plan for us that will help up save money and stay on track. I just need to stop being impulsive and embrace the minimalist lifestyle. I don't need everything! It's so embarrassing the lack of self control when it comes to buying junk. I always say I start new habits and routines at the beginning of a new month. Tomorrow is the 31st of March and I think I'm going to start a day early. No, I KNOW I'm going to start a day early. :)

Day Six - Return to Insanity

Alright! Got through week one!  The last workout was particularly rough.  My body felt pretty weak and achy and I took a number of rests. I love the feeling of sweating though.  Sweating makes me feel like I am actually working. I was thinking of doing the Cardio Abs on my off day since it is only 15mins long.  And that the biggest area I want to focus on.

For those who were curious as to how the schedule goes here it is:

I still need to improve my eating habits. It's hard when you don't have money. I am pretty much eating anything anyone puts in front of me. (As long as it is vegan of course.)  All of our money is going towards saving for the big move from San Antonio to Phoenix.

I did however buy a new book though (less than 5$ for me so it wasn't super bad ;3 ) .  Ani's 15-Day Fat Blast.  This chick puts out a ton of amazing raw food cookbooks (some I've owned and passed on by now). I think I'm going to try it after we get back from San Antonio. That or start it when I start month two to kind of kick everything into high gear. It's pretty much a mostly raw food diet but it only lasts 15 days.  Which I have been raw vegan before and that's about as long as I could last before I just wanted a nice cooked meal.
Actually, I KNOW I'm going to do this 15 Day Fat Blast thingy.  I especially love it cause she has all 15 day's meals planned out for everyday.  And that's what I love most about it is the structure.  I'll report more on this when I actually start but so far it's a pretty good read.  I just know I'm also going to have to start saving up for a really, really good blender.  I would especially love a Vitamix but I need an arm and a leg to buy that.

Anyways, I am off to work to finish my last day before my "movecation". Probably going to be a looooong day.

Until next time,

Day Four - Return to Insanity

Hey-o!

Didn't want to forget an update! Today was especially rough.  I have been weening myself off of caffeine and that means no coffee for opening shifts.   I usually buy a cup from Starbucks to reward myself for getting up in the morning for opening shifts so not only was I caffeine deprived but I was completely sore from the following day.

I knew I still had to do my workout after work (which has to be one of the hardest things if you don't wake up early and do it).  All I could think about as I am driving home is, "nopenopenopenope nope. nope. NOPE nope. don't want to do it. Nope. I'm tired. Nope." At one point I got home and plopped on my bed (like I normally do after I get home from  opening shifts) and said, "I don't wanna. I want a nap. This bed is comfortable. Nope. NO." At one point Daniel came by to lay next to me...taunting me. (We usually nap together) But he knew I wanted to do my work out even if I didn't want to at all.  So...he started poking me and shaking me, "GIT UP". So I flopped out of bed and stomped down stairs to do my Insanity. And what do you know, it was my lucky day:  CARDIO RECOVERY! The timing was perfect. It was enough exercise to keep my movin but it didn't burn me out and make me hate my life.

As a side note during Cardio Recovery when we'd be doing serious quad work I would put my hand on my thigh and FEEL heat radiating off of it. It was crazy!

That's the thing about Insanity...even if you really, REALLY don't want to do it. You just have to.

:)

Day One & Two - Return to Insanity

Howdy!  And welcome to my journey to a healthier lifestyle!

I've named it, "Return to Insanity" because that's exactly what I'm doing. Returning to Insanity. Ever since my husband came back from Texas I've pretty much let myself go back into my old habits. Before then I had already started trying to get on the healthy train.

I'll start off with explaining my "old habits".  I call her Bad Angel.

See...Bad Angel doesn't like exercise. Or do any sort of physical activity for that matter.  The most physical activity I get is when I am actually at work slinging books. Other than that...the first thing I do when I get home is jump on my video games and veg out.  Not only does Bad Angel hate physical activity..but she also loves to eat TERRIBLY.  I'm vegan AND I'm a super picky eater which makes it even harder for me to find things that I really like.  I am not shy about explaining that I am a bad vegan. Not bad in a sense that I cheat..just bad that I loooove the processed, easy-way-out food.  You know...the kind that doesn't take time and effort to put into.  So you pair that up with being super lazy and complete disregard for nutrition or what I'm putting into my body...is going to make Bad Angel...Bad and Fat Angel.  On top of all of that I don't take my vitamins like a good vegan should.  Yup...that's right. No B12, Iron, Omega-3, all that stuff that I REALLY need to keep up with to keep my energy and general well being up...I just don't do. Why? I haven't the slightest idea why. There really is no reason for me to not take them. I mean, I even *have* the vitamins...just sitting there...staring at me.   SO ...not only am I a Bad and Fat Angel..but a Bad, Fat, Unhealthy Angel.  All rolled into one bite sized, emotionally angry woman.

OH

Well..at one point Bad Angel saw a picture that had been taken of her..and she was mortified with what she saw. /endthirdpersontalking

MY

(Mind you..this is not knocking the moment at all. I am extremely grateful to Tish for taking pictures during this important time in my life. Nothing but love from me <3)  WHO is this person though?!   When did I blow up? I look so swollen! And I'm never dying my hair a crazy color again if I am not maintaining it! Bleh! ANYWAYS! I actually didn't see this pictures (that which were taken around Oct 2011) until the next year. After I saw them I pretty much told myself that was IT.  Too much food. Too much drinking. Too much doing nothing is what caused that.

GOD.

More Flabby Unhappiness

Unhappy

But I know myself. I have to do something that I like or I'm not going to do anything at all. I told myself, when WiiFit comes it..that's when I will start.  It's games and working out!  Months passed (yes...months..) and finally WiiFit came into our store and I purchased it.  The first time I stepped on it was May 16, 2012 I did 23 minutes of "working out" and did my first WiiFit Body Test.  And I was immediately disappointed to see that it told me I was 154lbs. And that I was in the Overweight category. Fan-freakin-tastic.  But I had already said if I get WiiFit I need to stick to it.  So I did. I paired WiiFit up with walking up and down my stairs (an inspiration from my coworker, Mario, who had been doing that and started shedding weight off.) and slowly but surely I started losing the weight.  I did this up until July 15, 2012 where my scale told my I now weighed 140lbs. I was slowly but surely starting to feel great. At one point though I became a desperate and started taking fat burning pills along with what I was doing.  Though it felt like they worked I eventually cut them out completely cause it didn't feel right. It felt as though I was cheating. So I switched to drinking a lot of green tea as a natural fat burner. At the end of July and with my wedding then getting closer..I know I needed to push myself.  And there was only one way I wanted to do it. Insanity. One of my friends, Kerchie,  had purchased Insanity and kept telling me how great it was.  And she looked great as she was doing it. But it scared the hell out of me. It looked like too much hard work. Way more moving than I wanted to do. But the more I thought about how I wanted to lose weight and look great on my wedding day...that was enough motivation for me. So I bite the damn bullet and bought Insanity and started on August 8, 2012 at 141lbs.

Apologize for the bad pics

Before Insanity

 And I kept to it. I dedicated myself to really trying and not giving up. I never skipped a day..woke up early if I had to (because I did it at my mom's house thinking the people below us probably wouldn't appreciate me stomping around), gave 100% even when EVERY time halfway through the work out all I could think is "I DONT WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE..YOU CANT MAKE ME..I JUST WANT TO SIT". Even when I could have an excuse to stop whether it be my terrible wrist giving me issues or my knees saying, "HA!NOTHX" or my back feeling like it was going through torture..I stuck it out and pushed on and adjusted. Bad Angel was fighting hardcore with Get-Fit-or-Get-Out Angel. Which..at that point is what I had become. I had become super motivated and even started added running on my "off days"...though later on I had to stop that cause I was pushing my knees too much. I was tracking my progress as often as I could. Though I wish I had taken more pictures through my journey.

Red Faced on Day 4

Day 2 Completed!

 I tried eating better and drinking more water and completely cut soda and energy drinks out.

I even came up with a salad that I fell in love with!  And to be honest..I wasn't see the weight fall off super fast like I thought I would. BUT I did see tone. Muscles in places I didn't know I had them and that held me over from being disappointed. I went to the Beach Body forums and read stories of peoples success and it motivated me more.  I felt like if these people could do it I certainly could.

Like I said, I stuck with it until the day after my wedding. I even did Insanity ON my wedding day to get rid of the jitters.  And boy did it help :) I felt as good as I have ever felt about myself AND I WASNT EVEN DONE WITH MONTH TWO!  After my wedding day I was off and on with Month Two.

awwww yeah! Progress!

It burned so good! But after Daniel went back to San Antonio I was in a glass case of emotion and did it when I felt like it. Some days I would be motivated..some days I just wanted to be left alone and cry cause I missed my man. Sad to say that I did not get to complete Insanity all the way. I was about one week or even less than that away and I completely fell off. I stopped completely and decided I didn't need to / want to do it anymore.

 But it is a new day! 

  We are at present day now and I decided that April is going to be my month. So many great things are happening.. We are getting into a new place, being reunited with my bro/books/animals, reopening my shop..so many great things...so getting fit and healthy again was going to be on my list of stuff I am actually going to do.  I want to have a hot bod for summer time and want to feel great about myself again. No more messing around!

So what exactly is Insanity? Insanity is a 60 day, at home, body conditioning program where all you need is your body. No weights, no equipment. Just dedication. They send you a million dvds and you follow a calendar that has a workout for everyday.  It's divided between two months with a "recovery" week in between. Through out the whole thing they give you dietary suggestions but I don't really follow it cause it's not very vegan friendly. I sort of follow my own meal plans but I do not kill myself if I eat one  bad thing every now and then. I'm going to especially work hard on not being so hard on myself if i want a treat. ANYWAYS... I decided I want to track my progress officially and keep some what of a journal this time around.  I also want to serve as motivation for those who were thinking about doing Insanity or getting into shape. Cause I know they are out there.

I will be posting pictures, measurements and results for my test every time I have a Fit Test day. And after much reluctance ..I decided that I am finally okay with posting these...if anything..it will force me to keep going and keep me accountable.

You can see my dreaded belly. That's from me sitting on my butt playing video games ALL THE TIME!! And you can see my flat butt as a direct result from that as well. ^_^

Lots of room for improvement!

So as far as this blog goes, I do indeed want to log my Insanity journey but I also want it to include other parts of my life...from crafting, veganism, ear stretching, anger issues, video gaming, family, book slinging and so forth!

I feel like I have done enough rambling for now. I look forward to posting and letting y'all know what I'm going through and hopefully inspire some of you!  :) Feel free to leave comments, suggestions, advice, motivation and/or whatever!

 Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy!