#letsdothis

So many times I fight with myself. Today. Today is going to be the day I make the changes that I want in my life. Today is going to be the day I stop being lazy and start moving forward. Then, I become extremely unmotivated and shoot myself in the foot. It's a giant cycle. How many times to do we do that to ourselves? Surely I'm not the only one out there who is constantly battling with myself and trying to kick myself in the butt to get motivated. I know at one point and was going in a direction that was great. It was a good direction. Then something drastic happens and it throws my groove off. My sister came out to visit recently and we went to the Cheesecake Factory to treat her for her birthday. I couldn't stop talking about how old she was now! (I still see my siblings as babies.) I told her, "Gosh, just three more years till you are 30!! That's crazy!!" Then both my brother and sister declared that I was going to be 30 NEXT YEAR. What??? I'm going to be thirty next year? When the hell did that happen? Where did all my time go? I stay up at night a lot asking myself what I want out of my life. There is so much I want and I am the only one stopping myself from doing any of them. I constantly make lists. And they always start off: Angel what would make you most happiest? I know the same things end up on my list. Really, my list doesn't change that often now that I'm thinking about it... -I want to declutter the things around me and our living space. Live a truly minimalist life. Encourage my daughter to appreciate the few things that she has and to grow up not needing to want. Not want to horde things like a chipmunk. I want to feel that release of knowing I do not need to fill my space to make me happy. -I want to live a healthier lifestyle. I want to stop eating so much shit. I want to fill my body with real foods. I want to get back to making working out part of my daily routine. I want to feel stronger and have more energy. I don't want to rely on caffeine to keep me awake. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin and build self esteem. I want to increase my water intake and feel clean. -I want to get back to running my Etsy shop. I want to create flowers from book paper and make people smile with my pieces and stop feeling like it's not good enough. I had so much fun when I was doing it back in the day. I want to put more time and thought into my business and run things legitimately and be proud of what I create. I just need to be okay with where we are at as well. I think my husband is right when he tells me I get bored with where we live. I think I have this idea of how I want the atmosphere around us looks and the apartment we are in is nothing like it. My goal is for us to be house within the next four years. I get so damn tired of renting and our money going no where. I want to be able to start a garden and teach Matilda where food comes from and teach her to harbor relationships with plants and food. I'm convinced it will help her later on down the road. I also want to keep up with our budget. I have such a good plan for us that will help up save money and stay on track. I just need to stop being impulsive and embrace the minimalist lifestyle. I don't need everything! It's so embarrassing the lack of self control when it comes to buying junk. I always say I start new habits and routines at the beginning of a new month. Tomorrow is the 31st of March and I think I'm going to start a day early. No, I KNOW I'm going to start a day early. :)