Hashtag: Broke as a Joke

Money. I hate it. Everything about it. I remember the good ol days when I was young and oblivious to bills and spending. Though, I can respect and really empathize for my parents now. The. Struggle. Is. Real. I'm going to throw some truth your way..We just got over a pretty shitty month. With an unexpected turn in my career..it forced us to move further out than we would have liked and we took a rather significant hit in my paycheck. I think I am more annoyed about the fact that it threw my master plan to save off track rather than losing all that power. We were so close to being level on everything and being able to start really putting money aside for our emergency fund. Thank goodness for family. I mean, really. We wouldn't have been able to make it through without borrowing from a handful of family members. And we are only now just able to start paying people back. I hope one day I will have enough saved that I am able to do the same for others. It's a crappy thing. To have to ask to borrow money as an adult. No one wants to have to ask for money. It's embarrassing. All I can think about is how disappointed with myself that I didn't save more when I was making more. If I'm being honest here too, I have never been good with money. I love shopping. I love buying things that makes me fill whatever stupid hole or stressed out moment I'm having. I totally believe in Retail Therapy. Maybe that's why I've been working so hard at this minimalism thing. All I want is to want for nothing. If I want for nothing, then my impulse to buy things shrinks. But that's for another blog post... point is, my spending habits are terrible. Even when we have no money to spend. Normally, I spend a redonk amount of money on crafting supplies and books..but I've cut down on those for now. (again..that's for another blog post..) Right now my vices like caffeine and terrible eating habits are running my life. Running and ruining. I woke up with a new perspective this morning. The help that we got and minor bandaid we were able to find for ourselves has given us a chance to level out again. Because after this bandaid, there are no more bandaids. And we really have to learn to live with the new balance that I make. (granted, there might be a chance for hubs to get a job after the summer ((yay for more family help))) And boy does that new balance suck. What was that quote Dave Ramsey always says? "Live like no one else so later you can live like no one else." Rice and beans. Beans and rice for now. We are going to be able to do literally nothing. Every penny I make is going to go towards a bill. Our grocery budget is going to be super small and we are going to be able to save literally...pennies and dimes towards our emergency fund. But that's what happens when you aren't smart about your money when you are making money. And as I always say, "You live and you learn." I downloaded an app called Mint to help me monitor our bank account and budget. Boy oh boy was it an eye opener. It shows you how much money you spend on EVERYTHING based on your transactions. Needless to say, we need to stop eating out. I mean, we knew that anyways but having a visual helps. I'm hoping this will keep me accountable. I might throw in there that a couple of days ago, I allowed myself to go to Joann's because I wanted to make a bunch of earrings to sell to help fund my business, The Blooming Page. To make a really long story short, I walked out of Joann's feeling terrible that I had spent 20$ on supplies I didn't know if I wanted to make the time and space for. (Space is extremely relevant considering I am trying to reduce the amount of "stuff" in my life) I added to the chaos that was growing on my desk. And I was now out 20$. I returned the stuff yesterday. The impulse to spend is terrible. I feel like a crack head. It's stupid. I wanted to buy all the things at that store. ALL OF THE THINGS! And I am in no position to do so. It's like I'm creating a hole to fill. It's terrible. Anyways, I think I might have started going off about my minimalism journey and this blog is about money. Fact is, we have little of it now and we have to learn to be careful with it. Or we are going to drown. On that lovely note... -Angel

#letsdothis

So many times I fight with myself. Today. Today is going to be the day I make the changes that I want in my life. Today is going to be the day I stop being lazy and start moving forward. Then, I become extremely unmotivated and shoot myself in the foot. It's a giant cycle. How many times to do we do that to ourselves? Surely I'm not the only one out there who is constantly battling with myself and trying to kick myself in the butt to get motivated. I know at one point and was going in a direction that was great. It was a good direction. Then something drastic happens and it throws my groove off. My sister came out to visit recently and we went to the Cheesecake Factory to treat her for her birthday. I couldn't stop talking about how old she was now! (I still see my siblings as babies.) I told her, "Gosh, just three more years till you are 30!! That's crazy!!" Then both my brother and sister declared that I was going to be 30 NEXT YEAR. What??? I'm going to be thirty next year? When the hell did that happen? Where did all my time go? I stay up at night a lot asking myself what I want out of my life. There is so much I want and I am the only one stopping myself from doing any of them. I constantly make lists. And they always start off: Angel what would make you most happiest? I know the same things end up on my list. Really, my list doesn't change that often now that I'm thinking about it... -I want to declutter the things around me and our living space. Live a truly minimalist life. Encourage my daughter to appreciate the few things that she has and to grow up not needing to want. Not want to horde things like a chipmunk. I want to feel that release of knowing I do not need to fill my space to make me happy. -I want to live a healthier lifestyle. I want to stop eating so much shit. I want to fill my body with real foods. I want to get back to making working out part of my daily routine. I want to feel stronger and have more energy. I don't want to rely on caffeine to keep me awake. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin and build self esteem. I want to increase my water intake and feel clean. -I want to get back to running my Etsy shop. I want to create flowers from book paper and make people smile with my pieces and stop feeling like it's not good enough. I had so much fun when I was doing it back in the day. I want to put more time and thought into my business and run things legitimately and be proud of what I create. I just need to be okay with where we are at as well. I think my husband is right when he tells me I get bored with where we live. I think I have this idea of how I want the atmosphere around us looks and the apartment we are in is nothing like it. My goal is for us to be house within the next four years. I get so damn tired of renting and our money going no where. I want to be able to start a garden and teach Matilda where food comes from and teach her to harbor relationships with plants and food. I'm convinced it will help her later on down the road. I also want to keep up with our budget. I have such a good plan for us that will help up save money and stay on track. I just need to stop being impulsive and embrace the minimalist lifestyle. I don't need everything! It's so embarrassing the lack of self control when it comes to buying junk. I always say I start new habits and routines at the beginning of a new month. Tomorrow is the 31st of March and I think I'm going to start a day early. No, I KNOW I'm going to start a day early. :)

It's Been A While!

I'm not suppose to be on the computer right now.  Actually, I had tasked myself with cleaning out the second bedroom today. I'm finding it almost impossible to do though, it's so damn hot!

So, I figured I would update my blog!

A lot has happened since my last post.  I had transferred to the Mesa store to help my mom out there.

Near the end of the year was amazing. So many great things hit me all at once.

For one, one of my good friends, Ed, came down to visit.  I miss only living a couple of hours away from him. Having him live closer to Boston is a bummer, but it was a great treat to have him visit in November.

Right before he came down I had undergone an interview for a Store Manager's position for the Camelback location (I was  holding a Shift Leader position at the Mesa store at that moment). It was quite the glass case of emotion I was going through that week. Super excited that my friend was visiting and hanging out with us (I always have a great time when he is around) and super anxious about what the answer would be to the interview.
 I remember we went out to get coffee and lunch the day before Ed left and I got a phone call from my District Manager. I instantly broke into shakes and sweats and walked away from the table to take the phone call.  It felt like time slowed down when she said, "Would you like to accept the position?" I couldn't believe it!  I wanted to cry because I was so happy. I am sure I sounded like a crazy person to her. I asked her if she was sure and she just laughed. I beebopped back to our table announcing my victory and pretty much was glowing all day.
I was finally going to put my mad skills to good use and I was completely ready for the challenge. I had already worked at this store before transferring to Mesa so it wouldn't be completely unfamiliar territory.

It was also a sad day because Ed was leaving the next day. So that was a bummer.

I should say, I was also growing completely nervous about something else that was going on that I didn't discuss with anyone.

My period was late.

Now, my body, I can tell you, is very sensitive to stress and I have delayed periods from being extremely stressed. That or when I get back into shape...And I know I hadn't been working out lately. (And this may be TMI) but I've even missed periods before just from stress and/or workout habits.

I figured that I was just super stressed about hearing back about the job.  I thought that, combined with staying up late gaming with friends, was also the reason I was unusually fatigued.  But the day after Ed left would be day seven of no Aunt Flo.  And routinely I had bought a pregnancy test a few days before hearing about the job offer.

Nothing ever came from the tests, but it was a way to rule out one reason why.
STORY TIME!
So, again, the day after my friend left I decided to take the test in the morning fully expecting to toss the pee stick labeled with a "no"  in the trash and go right back to sleep. I didn't wait more than a couple of seconds before I saw a result that I had never seen before. Wtf.......is that a positive???? I looked back and forth between the instructions and the stick for a couple of minutes. I sucked in a breath and held it there for forever. Do I scream? Do I shout with excitement? Do I retest? Wtf....WTF! What do I do NOW?? Dan's right out there sleeping...how am I suppose to tell him? WHAT'S GOING ON?! 
Remember that time slowing down thing from earlier? Yeah, that totally happened again. I walked to the bed and just sat there. My eyes must have looked like saucers and I know I had told Dan that I was going to take the test so he sleepily rolled over and asked, "So?" Mind you, we've gone through plenty of "scares" and test taking and I'm sure he knew something was up when I didn't respond right away. "Well....." was all I could respond. Yeah, I left him hanging for a sec because my brain could not wrap around what was going on at the moment.  "So....?" he asked again.
"I think it's positive?" I really have no excuse for that response...
"You think??"
"Well......it wasn't negative...sooo..."
Stunned. It was like someone hit me with a stun gun or something.  I couldn't believe it wasn't negative.
All Daniel did was hug me sleepily. And that's when the waterworks hit me.
WHAT?! WHAAAAT?! WTF IS GOING ON?! I CANT BE PREGNANT NOW! The test is trolling me. I just know it. There is not a potential little thing inside me. WHAT IS GOING ON UNIVERSE?!
I just sat there and balled my eyes out. Dan was sweet trying to reassure me that everything was going to work out and that we'll be fine.  I hate when he says that sometimes. That was one of the times. I mean, I should have been so happy that he reacted that way instead of packing a suitcase. Not that he's that kind of guy..but my mind always goes into worse case scenarios.
I think my mind went straight into panic mode not because I was going to have a child growing inside me and that I would be a parent..but because I had just accepted a job as a Store Manager the day before. I felt like somehow I was letting my DM down by being pregnant, which now, I feel really silly about reacting that way.
I actually met up with my DM to interview someone for the Assistant Manager's position at my location (that store went through a LOT of changes..) and at the end of the interview after the dude had left I confessed to my DM that I just found out that I was pregnant and again, I started balling like an idiot. She laughed and asked, "That's great! ...That's great, right?"
Yeah, it was great. And the wave of relief that came over me after she sounded happy for me..was overwhelming. For some reason I thought he would have this sense of disappointment and I didn't feel that from her at all. I told her I was going to still work as hard as I could to prove that I deserved the position.

So, since December, I've been managing my own store and I am currently 29 weeks pregnant.
Needless to say, great things came to Daniel and I fast and hard at the end of 2013.

I am loving my job to death and am so grateful for an amazingly awesome and supportive boss.  I love my store, the work that comes with it, and the assistant I have.  I feel like a fruit that was waiting to ripen for the job and when the time came to be picked, I was ready and it felt natural. I know there is still plenty to learn but I am having so much fun being a boss. :)

I am also loving being pregnant.  I have so much more to write on that though..I might have to do separate entries for that explaining our journey.  The very least I can say that we are expecting a baby girl (whom we've been calling Matilda for now) on July 17 and we are planning on a unmedicated waterbirth.

Anyways, I think I'm going to leave it at that for now. But I wanted to make sure I logged this SOMEWHERE since I don't keep a physical journal anymore. *tear*

More to come..


-Angel


Stay tuned: Minion Diaries - My Pregnancy : How it's been thus far.

Fit Test 2 Update!

Fit Test 2 Results! I finally got around to moving them to the actual chart from Insanity. It's awesome to see that even my second re reboot my numbers were better than the first time I was going to reboot. :)AWESOME! Probably take pics next fit test. Not enough time today. :)

Micro Update : Fit Test 1 Numbers

I've been doing a little cleaning today and I found my numbers on a piece of paper from my Insanity re-reboot. (Yeah, I'll post more on that later but I just wanted to get the numbers off the paper in case I accidentally threw the paper away.


FIT TEST 1 NUMBERS FROM JULY 1, 2013

Power Jacks: 42
Power Knees: 83
Power Jumps: 26
Globe Jumps: 10
Suicide Jumps: 14
Push Up Jacks: 16
Low Plank Oblique: 22

Anyways, I have so much to update on but no time at the moment to do it today.  Hopefully soon! (My target is Monday after I do my second Fit Test)

-Angel

Purse Clutter : the minimalist musings

So I thought y'all should know I did two big things today.

The first was I finally got to that box in the bathroom.  I knew once I started doing that box that suddenly I would start taking a harder look at what is actually in my bathroom.  It did indeed result in my rummaging through the cabinets...under the sink...through the drawers.

I narrowed my seven lotions down to one.  My body sprays from five to one and my perfumes (had to keep at least one for special occasions) from five to one.  I kept about half of the 12 mineral eye shadows and one nail polish and one top coat (out of the 24).  Everything else is going.  I had various things that were just misplaced. Like, my camera was in there along with other random knick knacks.

One thing I haven't gone through completely from that box is the smaller jewelry box I had in there.  I'll probably be going through and purging that next.  I've purged through my jewelry a million times so I am about down to the last of what I really like.

Nice and tidy!

It looks like a dumpster for clutter!

The next big thing I did was go through my purse. I dumped everything out onto the table to see exactly what I had in there. A huge notebook. Meeting Notes. Check book. A clearance book I bought to take pictures of.  Random receipts. Tea. Hair scissors. Some money. My schedule. Headphones. Lotion. Calendar. Pens.Wallet. Lipsticks. Medicines. Candy.
Actually this was pretty tame from what it usually is.  Normally I have an even larger amount of crap.  I'm a very "Just in Case/What If" kind of person. What if I have chapped lips? What if I cut myself? What if I need to reapply makeup?  What if I want to listen to this cd? What if I have a cold? Or cramps? Or I'm hungry? Or I need tape? Or I need to screw something together? What if someone needs 
batteries? 

Yeah...it's a bit crazy. I narrowed down the stuff to what I actually use the most. Redistributed the items that were in the wrong place in the first place (scissors, book, schedule) and threw out what I didn't even need (receipts, candy, trash).  I narrowed it down to these few items. (EDIT: I added my calendar back into the bag because I have no calendar at the moment. hahaha)  It's amazing how much lighter my bag is. 

The lone survivors.

My stash of purses and wallet.

 I began to question why I am even carrying a larger bag anyways.  I'm currently trying to decide if I just want to switch over to one of my smaller bags before I purge my purses.  I really do like the purse I am using now but I am also overly attached to four other ones I have.  Two are black seat belt purses..one small one medium sized and the other two are smaller ones that are nice for if I am going out with friends or out to a dinner and are the ones I paid the most money for ($20-$40).  I might end up just keeping those four and getting rid of the other thirteen purses I still own.  Yeah .. I think I've just now decided that's what I'm doing.  I'm sure over time I can convince myself to get rid of all but one of my purses in the end.  I think just keeping these four is a good compromise. :)

Current Purse.

It's nice seeing how much easier it is getting to let go of things that I continued to haul around with me and refused to let go of.  I think letting go of my books has shown me that deep, deep, deep, deep down I am really alright with letting some of this stuff go.  Speaking of selling books. I am getting ready to take the last of what I have to Camelback today.  This time I have to be there. At least it's the last few stragglers and the harder, more cherished ones have already been dealt with. Perhaps I can hold on squirting tears as I accept whatever offer they are going to give to me today.  We are also heading to the pawn shop to get rid of the box of electronics.  I still have a large amount of stuff to get through...but getting through that damn one box and my purses felt like a pretty big step in the right direction. :) I'm excited to start noticing all the money I'm going to save from not HAVING to buy another purse. ....Actually...a lot of the money my husband will save too ....he tends to treat me when I see one that I *have* to have. :)

More later I'm sure...

They're all gone......well...almost all of them..: the minimalist musings

So I think I am comfortable enough to express the issues I am having with my life on here. I know I am accountable for my actions and blogging what is going on with how I am feeling has been a nice outlet. I use to write in a journal every day.  I think if I ever do decide to extend my minimalism to my more personal items...my old journals would be the hardest to let go of.  But I will leave that for another post....

Anyways...I meant to start going somewhere with opening up with talking about being comfortable with my life issues. ..

Today I woke up still stressed. Yes, my books were still in the boxes in the living room. But this wasn't the reason why I was stressed.  I woke up and looked at my bank account.  $590. As soon as I saw that number I began to panic. That is not enough for rent. I began to look into payday loans  (which I actually learned are now illegal in Arizona) and once I learned I couldn't do that I looked at getting loans online. ((Confession time: Daniel and I use to use the hell out of payday loan places. Even after we knew that they are a terrible, terrible idea and a fantastic way to dig yourself into a deeper hole.)) Oh...I want to borrow $190 online? (That was all they would allow me since my credit is shit.) You are going to end up having to pay $700 by the end of it. Clearly that wasn't my answer. Nope...my answer to being $400 short on rent was to remove myself from the computer...go right back to bed..wake Daniel up...tell him I was stressed and we are short on rent..and bawl for the next two hours.

After crying for forever, I started frantically looking into trying to sell stuff on ebay...knowing that wouldn't even matter because there was only two days to come up with the money. I now had to rely on hoping that my books would bring in just a little money and that maybe we could go to the apartment management and beg to be given just a little more time.

I even prepared a box of things to pawn off. All my game systems...my favorite pool cue...some other various electronics..

This wasn't exactly how I imagined my journey to a minimalistic life would go. Selling frantically so that we could make rent.  Not exactly poetic or fulfilling.

I want to kind of cut in for a second and say that this little bump we are going through financially is only temporary.  We fell way behind with stuff when we moved and it hurt us even more when both my brother and my husband started off here jobless. When I said in my Facebook post that we wouldn't have been able to move if it weren't for help of family...I was completely serious. We wouldn't have had the money for a deposit for this place...or gas money to get there...or truck money. My brother and husband still are jobless and I am currently the only one bringing money in. And besides maybe two coffees total..I haven't been spending money on ANYTHING but the essentials. Gas and food.  I know once we get settled and can finally get our heads above water..I actually could probably pay for everything on my own...but again...we fell so far behind we are STILL trying to play catch up. I by no means want y'all to feel bad for us...this is just a medium to help me cope with stress.

ANYWAYS...back to my panic attack.  So, the only solution again, was to sell my books off and hope that it would bring us a little closer to what we needed for rent. (Mind you this is just RENT. Not even taking into account needing to come up with money for actual food, gas and maybe laundry soap.)  We just wanted to get rent taken care of.  And honestly, I had no idea as to how we are going to get closer to the total if we are still short.

So, all this was happening today. Which also happens to be the first day I start at my new HPB location in Mesa. New staff...new customers...new management team.

The plan was to drive out to work then have Daniel take the car back and take my books to my old store off to Camelback to sell.

So that's what we did. I drove out to work with Daniel.  The car ride was very quiet because I am sure both of us were trying to figure out a way to get more money.  In addition to that the sounds my car were making were stressing me out too. (She's been very chuggy lately. I'm sure she needs an oil change..)  We got to the Mesa store and just sat in the car for ten minutes. When I got out Daniel gave me a hug and told me to just work and try not to go in there looking stressed because they may feed off of it. And I knew  he was right.

So I put on as big of a smile as I could and marched into work. 9:30pm rolled around and Dan called the store.  He said, "Well, it's done." And I felt my heart fall into my stomach. (I know that sounds corny..but my love for my books was immense and there's nothing more to it.) He then asked, "Guess how much." And I said hopefully, "$150?" He said, "Higher.". "$200?"  "Higher." "Higher??? How much?" "$350."
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  Thank you!  Granted I knew those books were worth three times that amount..but I also know the business.  He also said we still had four boxes as home, plus the box of electronic to pawn. Such a damn relief!!! That means we won't have to come up with very much more to have rent. And that's all that I care about.  I will eat dirt for the next two damn weeks if I have to. I was in, as they would say, a glass case of emotion.  A huge weight felt like it was lifted off my shoulders but at the same time I knew that was it. My books were gone. It hit me even harder when I got home and saw the piles of boxes were gone. I saw the boxes that he was talking about and sighed. I even still have a little left on my shelves that I have been having second thoughts on. My Shel Silverstein books...my vegan cookbooks...a small handful of records...cds I still wanted to rip before selling..
I know some day I'll find strength to get rid of those as well..But I had enough emotions going on at the moment.

 So I still have probably a good four boxes left to sell. Then it would be time for focus on smaller things.  I mean, I actually still want to focus on cleaning my car out first. I think that is a healthy small step. Or maybe that damn box still sitting in my bathroom.

I am a little sad that I had to use they money towards something dumb like paying bills. It would have been nice to put it towards something greater. Like..oh..I dunno..a new car. But I am sure the more I stop spending the faster I will actually be able to save for a car that won't crap out on me. I am a certainly grateful that we got as much as we did for them.  I know there will be people that will appreciate them in the end.  I know I had some old coworkers that were already calling dibs on some things. And I KNOW they will be going to good homes.

It was funny because when I arrived to the store too..I walked over to see where I should put my stuff. I was looking for my stash shelf. FYI a "stash shelf" is something the company gives you as a holding place for books that you intend on buying. PS my shelf was always full. And I realized I probably won't even need a stash shelf anymore. Because I don't intend on buying anything. I really DON'T need one. And I don't even want one to tempt me. So I just use it to hold my purse.  It's a bizarre way of thinking. I'm not going to need to worry about buying things anymore. As if it were some sort of burden. Which I suppose it was. WEEEEEIIIIRRRRD. Maybe I can just find some sort of hook to at least hang my bag.  (THAT REMINDS ME! That made me think of all the other things I need to clean out and simplify.  Like what I carry in my purse...and even...what I keep on my phone! My phone keeps yelling at me saying that I am running out of space...which is just hilarious to me cause it describes the constant problem I have in my life! haha! )

All that being said, I am still incredibly excited to go through my things and see the process of elimination.  All of my items are going to be faced with the same question, "Do you hold value in my life? & Have I actually used you in the last month?" If not..it's gone.  Another thing I think will be tough to let go of are my purses. I am a purse fanatic. I LOVE my purses. Ugh....No....I don't want to think about that right now.

Maybe tomorrow.

I know I also mentioned wanting to get back into the health swing of things..and that is still coming. :) I just have to get over this small hump first and I'll get my groove back!  For now..I'm going to watch a movie and snuggle with my cats.

More later!